Zardari in Timbuktu and India connect by Puneet Rajhans

Zardari in Timbuktu and India connect

Quite miffed at Gilani not taking his calls, Zardari left on a scheduled visit to Britain. Gilani hadn't come out on what transpired between him and British Prime Minister Cameron the previous week. Faced with seven hrs incarceration on flight, Zardari reached out to Manmohan in New Delhi. Fresh from playing host to the internecine battle between Rosaiah and Chavan on Babhli the call from Zardari was enough to lift his sentiments.
With "Gal meethi meethi bol" at the back of his mind the Manmohan-Zardari duet began on a smooth note.
Zardari: "This Gilani is a strange character as he is yet to get back to me. I won't take that one here. My intent is to figure out the CWG episodes unfolding in your country and what's the clue to all ganging up against the man from Maharashtra."
Manmohan digged deeper by rewinding to the '82 Games . "In 82 when the Games were over the then government received innumerable representations from different sections of society primarily geared towards making the most of these venues. They wanted the government to part with these venues and hand them over for the period they remained idle. The government outright rejected the submissions of these desperate zombies/ mindless freaks."
Elaborating, Manmohan had this to add, "Twenty-eight years later and still 74 days away from curtains to come down on these Games I have been flooded with representations from all sections (including new ones) to let them pitch their tents in these venues once the big event is over. This proposition looks promising to an entire breed from a barat ghar organiser to mithaiwallah, tentwallah and representatives of mofussil political party willing to take a shot at training of their cadres in these very venues. Add to this list are parlours of different shapes and sizes (essentially defining the landscape of the city) willing to pitch in. I am apprehensive that soon joining this chorus would be the mall-cum-media fraternity. So what to do when I am faced with a crisis of unimaginable proportion," the PM said.
Not stopping at that Manmohan invoked the conspiracy angle to the lengthening conversation. “The untamed intent of some to run a series of ads (amidst games) to fortify the resolve to get the venues at any cost is the most brutal face to this unfolding crisis. Sample some of these, he told Zardari: "Have a desire to live the loan delivered moments (where loan would be disbursed from vests to vintage cars)come join the melee at JLN/IG stadium with the rider that access comes at a price (entry fees mandatory)."
"We have a proposition to make. The JLN tracks are wide open and strong enough for innumerable test drives and heavy purpose vehicles with high price tag are preferred.”
"For a yoga session here and acrobatic session there, the venues are clear and happening. Come Join the party."
"Tell me Zardari, i threw open the doors of the country to place it on a new economic trajectory and not to let lumpen elements battle it out in the venues meant for sporting events.”
“Let me come to the turning tale on this one. THere is a serious issue facing the ruling and opposition benches. There is every possibility that after the Games the BJP and Cong party headquarters may shut down owing to non payment of property tax and constructions that have defied the NDMC restraint order. So where are we supposed to go? In all likelihood to these venues. So all the fracas of a community ganging up against the man from Pune is meant to desist these prospective bidders from joining the fray."
Well, the conversation and the turn that it was taking was getting on the nerves of Zardari but Manmohan wasn't willing to let him go. He continued: "In these times of high pitch electoral campaign, the big political parties need space to assimilate their thoughts and ideas. The venues are readymade solutions to such dilemmas."
The take on CWG by Manmohan was enough for Zardari to bring an end to this conversation by humming the number: "Yeh banda seedha saada apni man ki kahey."
Now he had to focus on what he had set out for. With a script on the proposed flick titled "Once upon A Time in India, Pakistan and Bangladesh" he wanted to hear from British PM Cameron who had just viewed the Time in Mumbaai flick in Islamabad. One hour from descent, he was on the line with Cameron. Unfortunately for Zardari, Cameron was firing all cylinders. He thundered, "This Gilani didn't even hand out one set of genuine DVD on Once Upon A Time In Mumbaai. I am facing the heat from my electorate whom I had promised moon on my return from subcontinent. I even checked from Baburao Godbole from Satara who denied having sent cartons of DVDs to Pakistan. "But Sir", Zardari continued, " I am coming to Britain to secure your support for a different venture. Just two days ago the Pak cricket team faced a comprehensive defeat (354 to be precise) at the hands of your boys. There are three more tests to go. I seek your support to ensure this defeat doesn't turn more brutal and a semblance of order is maintained." Here, Cameron tries to cut him to size by going all out in Hindi picked up quite well during campaign " Yeh toh hona hi tha. Tum 420 run chase kar rahe ho aur tumh charo khane chit na hon aisha kaise ho sakta hain!"
Aisha at the heart, Cameron took a mild route. Hooked to the upcoming offering from Hindi film industry, he asks Zardari to check the title track of the same. Seeing the softer side, Zardari again made an attempt and pleaded that he would settle things once he is there in London. "No, I won't be able to attend to you or the likes of Gilani."
You would soon here from us was the parting shot. Soon the ATC got in touch with the commander of the aircraft and told point blank that the radar system had gone kaput at all the airports in and around Britain and he should turn back. Few minutes later Zardari got a message that a new airport needs to be inaugurated and the authorities would like him to do the honors. Approaching Timbuktu, Zardari still had no idea of what had transpired between Gilani and Cameron. But he wanted to leave nothing to chance. Once in Timbuktu he posted a message for Foreign Minister Qureshi.
"Cameron won't oblige us and Pak cricket team would face more lethal blows from Englishmen. There is every possibility that the tour would be cut short as the cries would get shriller back home for the team to return than face the complete rout. So you have to position yourself at the airport to ensure a safe passage to team members to their places of stay."

The message was intentional as Qureshi's repute in the Pak establishment is unparallel given the fact that ISI usko salaam marta everyday.
As for ordinary mortals like us we are clueless on what Baburao Godbole had sent in the cartons to Pakistan. Abhi picture baki hai mere yaar. Samjha kar.

P.S. In the past ten days the most bandied words have been arrey, yaar and banda jo man ki karey.If Baburao Godbole had adhered to this script the cartons would have reached the right destination.