Of billboards and networking sites by Puneet Rajhans

Of billboards and networking sites

On the way to Nagercoil there is the tsunami of billboards and welcome arches depicting the dedication of DMK patriarch Karunanidhi and his rich band of supporters to the ideology of C Annadurai. Well these billboards and welcome arches have pictures of Karunanidhi, sons Stalin and Alagiri, daughter Kanimozhi and other big time personalities of the DMK parivar. These billboards spell out the designs of the friends of DMK fraternity to what they intend to do for their followers and what they intend to push for to see their arch rivals out of frame and mind.
C Annadurai being the tallest leader of the Dravidian movement, the ADMK led by Jayalalitha also had her share of billboards on a scale and quantum less than DMK. Quite natural given the four-and-a-half year stint away from office. As these boards and arches take the public space and swipe at those who intend to take the credit for Anna's ideology, it doesn't stop the Amma from blasting the DMK regime for pursuing an agenda that would have never been close to Anna's heart. First point of hostility hints at all the big corruption practices that have come up in the recent past having imprints of ruling regime with ADMK workers yet to get a frail association with these range of activities. "In the past five years, the sand and granite quarrying has largely been done by DMK functionaries and liquor vends ably maintained by them with no worker of my party even being allowed to get to the kissing distance of such acts of high value transactions," Amma maintained.
"Second the party should be treated as a family and this what Anna stood for; yet the DMK honcho has promoted members of his family to different posts and positioning thereby letting corruption run deep in the family with no outsider getting a hint of the ongoings."
As she vowed for the umpteenth time to dislodge the DMK govt, Alagiri quite buoyed by the opening of the new terminal at Madurai Airport and exchanges that followed later declared that the DMK combine would wrap up all the 234 seats in the ensuing elections. What he aimed to suggest was that none of the seats would see a contest, come what may. Intimidating tactics would be employed in a way that the liquor vends that have come up during his party's regime would be fully utilised with liquor flowing uninterrupted for all those supporters who would make it a life and death issue for opponents who ever willed to contest. Most of the 234 seats that DMK and ita alliance partners would run for would have unopposed election, with results known even before polls having taken place. His ruling on 234 seats is much more than the combined strength of all pre poll,post poll and high and low poll surveys that these seats would be subjected to. In effect, he has made the poll surveys infructuous by his unforeseen and untamed ruling. Thus for all the liquor vends and their promoters positioning as candidates of the ruling block could well see a unilateral contest, given the pronouncements from the headquarters.
To fortify his resolve, the men and machine at his disposal would deliver enough cash and threat between now and poll announcement dates to see to it that the prospective opposition candidates maintain a fair distance between their party's diktat and their ability to contest. The cash delivered at home would be enough to put their parties to shame and threats intimidating to the extent of entire family ceasing to exist.
As billboards hogged the limelight this time round, similar billboards would be placed at the vantage points of the state districts spelling out the price to be paid for the decision to contest and the cash rewards to be won if indoor outing has been preferred.
As these permutations and combinations on threats and counter threats were being worked out, Amma decided to retire at her place of residence with the belief that the Lok Sabha polls would precede the Assembly polls given the aversion of the Centre to the liquor lobbies of the State. The Centre has its own preferrred team of liquor lobbies; it strongly resents the fly by night liquor vendors of the State, who have appeared from nowhere in the past five years. Since Alagiri isn't comfortable in Hindi and English, the Centre has decided to dispatch an all party Tamil team to underscore the series of threats that the Centre can invoke in case the liquor vends are not reined in. To begin with, the Madurai airport could well see a freeze in its activities even before it has had its full-fledged operations, with the Centre suggesting that there is a foreign threat to dismantle the new structure.
This would be followed by closure of all big and small airports in the State. Once this happens Alagiri and company may well have to cool their heels in the State given the unscheduled delays the trains entering and exiting the State would be subjected to.
Once access to Delhi becomes next to nil, the Lower House could well pass a resolution suggesting that Alagiri has ceased to be a member of the House given his decision to stay away from the House to an undisclosed destination for an unspecified period. Following this there would be withdrawal of support to the Central Government and announcement of fresh polls which the Election Commission would dare to precede the TN Assembly polls faulting the tantrums of the state leaders for this untimely demise of the current Lok Sabha. With this the liquor vends of the State may well cease to exist and Madurai airport getting a new lease of life.
As these permutations and combinations were being discussed by Amma and her supporters who had all put on the reading glasses to have a clarity of view, she suggested that this time round ticket would be given on a priority basis to those with large followers in the sea-saw battlebook networking site. "They at least need to have 168-odd followers (each follower bringing truckload of followers whose name in the electoral list need not be mandatory given the poll machinery we have at our disposal this time)in the sea-saw battlebook, with each prospective candidate putting on the glasses to last through the polls. No blurred vision would do, " she maintained.
As they discussed and parted ways, she had a new visitor at her office. Failing to recognise him, the man introduced himself as Alagiri. Once he put on the glasses, Amma was able to place him. Alagiri pleaded his case before the all mighty Amma. "Madam, with the glases that i wore all these years i could not see through the designs of members of my extended family. Pa and Stalin have reached an agreement. As per the wishes of the High Command at home, Stalin would take over from Pa once polls get over. This understanding they reached following my unprovoked ruling that DMK combine would sweep all 234 seats with none left for the opponents. Thus the combined onslaught of Pa and Stalin is enough to send me to pack my bags. I have a humble suggestion to make. Take me on board as ordinary member of the party and few years down the line all your opponents would be biting the dust. "
Amma insisted that Alagiri should put on the glasses. He submitted that once polls are over he would do that. Amma was quite keen to figure out the High Command at DMK's place. "I couldn't figure out myself given the glases that i was wearing all these years. The High Command keeps changing season after season given the political equations at home." Amma insisted that Alagiri should register himself for the sea-saw battlebook site that gives you new friends and new ideas to live with. Amma coaxed him to sign for the site and see to it that followers cross at least 168 in the first month. "Not impossible. i have enough support in the liquor-cum-business trade and they would oblige me." At this point the two parted ways with Amma finally on line with the Janpath Ma on the changing equations in the first political family in the State.


P.S. This piece is not meant to offend anyone. This is out and out spoof.